I felt it was important to keep you all up to date with how the fundraising is going for the cause (the AFA & me!).
Things have been a bit fraught over the last few weeks with ideas and strategies for weird and wonderful ways to make you part with your cash. £10,000 seems like a massive amount of money to raise and over the last few days I have to be honest in saying this is not going to be easy.
It's very difficult to ask for support for yet another charity when there are so many other charities competing for funds. In addition to that times are tough for us all and I'm not the best person at asking for help in anyway, never mind for money. However I have decided that if this is going to happen I'm going to have to be in everybodys face and be the biggest pest in everyones life if this is going to succeed.
So what am I doing?
I have written to over 100 business contacts some of which I have had relationships with for many years. So far I have received a very positive response and will update you on individual support bequests later on as & when I have the details.
I have steared clear of the social media scene as I have aways been a private person, but it is clear that if I am going to acheive my goal there really is no better way to communicate with people. This is a big step for me to take, but is a direct reflection of my unwavering commitment to this cause. So, you can now find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/martharman
I have been in touch with several Triathlon specific product suppliers to ask for their support in providing donations in product form. The idea behind this is that if companies donate the product to me then the money that I would have spent will be donated to the charity fund. These are things like, bike box (transporting my bike to Israel in April) nutrtition products and bike accessories. As & when (and if) any support of this nature is pledged I will let you know.
Progress up to now.......SLOW! But I have a plan!
I am an amateur Triathlete with a heart arrythmia known as Atrial Fibrillation. I have recently qualified to represent my country (Team GB) at the European Triathlon Championships in Israel 2012 and hope to qualify for the World Championships in Auckland New Zealand 2012. I am raising money for the Atrial Fibrillation Association which is why this blog exists! Check out http://www.atrialfibrillation.org.uk/ and please make a donation at https://www.justgiving.com/mharman
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
Shock to the System
It was 5.30am and I was woken by the radio blaring in my ear! It’s unusual for the alarm to wake me up as I am normally already awake when it goes off. Not this morning though, I am bleary eyed and feeling a little sleepy and I have a very busy day ahead of me!
Now, this is a very dangerous time as I lie there just trying to actually get my eyes to open! You see this is the time I question myself. I am lying there all warm and snug under the duvet, knowing that waiting outside is the dark, cold winter morning! Why do I do this again? Can I skip today and start it all again tomorrow, I feel really tired and I don’t think I want to get up? These are just some of thoughts that go through my mind as I lay there thinking of the day ahead.
Then I think about the races ahead and what I am trying to achieve. I also know that if I don’t do my session, Chris my coach will know as my stats will not be uploaded! (Yes, we analyse my training, but I will explain that at a later date!) So as I lay there the guilt begins to set in…
I know from experience that failing to get up will make me feel really guilty and that stresses me out. So I leap out of bed and hit the bathroom only to catch myself in the mirror whilst cleaning my teeth and ask myself whether I’m completely mad for doing this.
Of course the answer is yes…Then it’s downstairs to feed the cat who has been patiently sitting outside the bathroom door waiting for me to finish (as he always does) so I can feed him his breakfast. I pour myself a nice strong black coffee to kick start my tired body, pack the days food which requires it’s own dedicated rucksack for the amount I eat, drink an Actimel, pop the vitamins and supplements and sit down for a brief 10 minutes to finish my coffee before heading off to the pool carrying a very large (heavy) bag with what feels like half my wardrobe packed inside.
Before I go though I have to take my antihistamine pills, as wait for this…..I have a chlorine allergy. Not great for a swimmer is it! I get really badly irritated eyes, and my sinuses block up, so I have to take pills before I get in the pool and also a nasal spray. I also have to use the nasal spray again afterwards as well as eye drops to stop them getting sore…. and you think I’m fit!
I arrive at the pool for 6.45am with a 50min swim ahead of me. Not a tough session as such, but I think today it might be as I have not swum for almost 3 weeks. The session is 1700m in total and consists of some drill work for my technique and then some endurance work in blocks of 100m to a target time.
I have 7 sets of 100m to do and each set of 100m needs to be faster than the previous one. This is all about pacing myself and not going off too fast or I won’t last the distance or will get slower! Chris has thrown in some leg kick drills at the end when my legs are dead tired and that is just what I need when I’ve finished my 100m sets and my lungs feel they are about to go into hyperventilating mode.
8 lengths of just solid kicking doesn’t sound much, but after all that my god does it hurt! I can actually feel every single muscle in my thighs move with every kick almost to the point of going twang!
I finally finish, drag my tired body out of the water and hit the shower! I get into the car and head on up to work drinking my recovery drink along the way. It is very important to recover properly as Chris and I believe ‘your next session is only as good as your last recovery’
There is a vital window of 45 mins after a training session when I need to eat something containing a 2 to 1 ratio of Carbohydrate / Protein to aid my recovery and I do that in a form of a recovery drink from SiS called Rego.
After a full day at work I am swim coaching the York Triathlon Club at 8.30pm, so I head off straight down to the gym as I have a 1 hour base run to do before I go onto the swim session. I am tight for time, so it’s going to be a bit of a rush.
I am driving down to the gym with the thoughts in my head about how tired I feel. I don’t normally train in the evenings as I am not at my best, but needs must. I am not convinced that my body can cope, but I guess I’ll be fine once I get going.
I arrive at the gym at 6.30pm, quick change, many layers of clothes, the essential iPod and head out of the door. I am planning on running into the city centre and along the river and back around in a loop. Today it is a base run, so it’s fairly steady and targeting a speed of about 12-13 km/h and is all about getting time on the legs and building the endurance and aerobic fitness.
As I headed out the legs felt quite springy and surprisingly I felt quite energetic. My base fitness was a bit of an issue last year and in races I tended to fade about 20 mins into the run, so this is a real focus for my training this year. The first 20 mins go well but then the fatigue started to creep in. As I enter the second block of 20 mins my breathing becomes a little heavier, my legs were starting to tire and it was just getting altogether harder, but manageable.
Then came the final 20 minutes. In races and in race season I barely run beyond 45 mins in training so as I entered the final 15 minutes I was entering unknown territory (fitness wise) for the first time in about 8 months! The legs started to feel like lead, the breathing was getting heavier, the stitch was starting to kick in through my right shoulder, my knees were aching and the heart rate was creeping up! Don’t get me wrong I was not flat out, but it is a different kind of stress on the body base training and my lack of endurance at this stage was evident, but it should be, that’s why we are doing this session! Even so, it does not stop me talking to myself in that final 20 minutes and saying ‘why am I doing this, remind me again’!? Is this fun?
It’s a mental battle at this stage as every thought in my head and body is telling me to stop because I am tired, but this is the important stage of the run as the more I enter this phase, the more conditioned my body will become and I will get fitter and it will become easier, simple right? Yeah well, try telling that to your body when it’s screaming STOP!
Finally I arrive at the finish 58 mins and 12.8km later thankful it is done and in the bag. It’s a quick shower, compression tights on (if you don’t what they are, I’ll explain later) changed and head out to swimming and I only have 10 minutes to get there, so it’s eat my sandwich in the car!
I finally arrive home at 10.10pm after leaving the house at 6.30am that morning. I empty the bag (and at the same time completely fill the wash basket, oops) quick cup of tea and hit the sack completely knackered with a bike turbo session lined up for tomorrow night. God I hope I sleep well tonight as my first double training day for a month has certainly been a ‘shock to the system’!
Monday, 7 November 2011
Fundraising Campaign Update
A quick update on the fundraising campaign for you all.
So far we have had some good press coverage in both the York Press http://goo.gl/wqW25 and also the Gazzette & Herald http://goo.gl/jSHwK
Last week I also did a radio interview with our local radio Minster FM and they have been running the story all day today on the news every hour. It also just been added to there website http://goo.gl/XBaPZ
Please support my campaign by donating on my justgiving page http://www.justgiving.com/mharman
Back in the Saddle
The first knock back has now passed! I am over my cold and the chest infection has gone, all antibiotics are finished and it’s time to get back in the saddle!
I woke up on Saturday morning and for the first time in 3 weeks I actually felt like training! I still had a slight cough and it was damp outside and I was still on my tablets, so I decided that I would train indoors.
I had chatted this through with Chris and agreed that if I felt like training at the weekend then maybe I should just do some turbo work at home on Saturday and see how I get on. If that was OK then maybe go out on the road on Sunday, but stay local.
I had a late start to the day for me on Saturday and went into my ‘Elite Training Centre’ at 8am. That’s Triathlon talk for ‘My Garden Shed’!!!! Yes, I train in my shed. Well I say shed, it is a concrete pre-fabricated building that houses some gardening equipment, furniture and of course all my kit!!! 3 bikes to date!!! I dare say that will grow more over the years ahead!
Anyway, on Saturday I just did a steady 40 minutes in my base heart rate zone on my turbo trainer. A turbo trainer is a static machine that I clip my bike into and it allows me to ride my bike stationery whilst giving the back wheel some resistance. It is really good for targeted heart rate work and also for doing technique work on.
I have included a picture below.
The problem with turbo training is that it can be quite boring without anything going on around you, so staying focused is not always easy. When you do base work it is not that demanding and does not require as much energy, or focus as say an interval session. When doing an interval session you are working so hard you don’t have time to think about your surroundings or where you are because you’re just knackered!
Base work is different on a turbo as to riding outside and takes a lot more focus to get ‘into the session’. I wear my iPod of course, but I am not a fan of base work and I prefer the more intense sessions that really challenge you! Chris would say ‘it’s like building a house Martin; you have to lay the foundations first’! It’s always a session I make myself do rather than want to do!
Sunday was a lot better though! I had decided that after Saturday’s short session I would hit the roads outside. What a glorious day! I have spent the last 2 months building my new winter bike and was desperate to give it a test run! I knew nothing about bikes so having taught myself everything by just reading books (and making a few mistakes) the sense of satisfaction to go out riding on a bike that I built was very rewarding and it stayed in one piece and got me back safely!
You just can’t beat riding on the open roads! My training plan said I should have been doing a 3 hour ride, but because I have missed a few weeks training I have not ridden that long for a while, so I decided to just do a couple of hours (how sensible am I, check me out!). The ride was a base ride again, steady away and target HR zone was 128-144 bpm again for the whole 2 hours.
Now base rides on the open road present a whole different challenge! You see you cannot control the terrain, well you can to a degree, but you can’t find a course that is completely flat when you are riding for 2 hours. This means when you hit a hill (for example) as a competitive rider your instinct is to attack it! But you can’t as that will push your heart rate really high. So you have to remain disciplined and ease back. Sometimes that means going into a really low gear and going up the hill very slowly, so against our nature, but you’ve got to stay in that heart rate zone! This ultimately means that your average pace on the ride is slower than you are used to and the distance you cover is not as far, so you can easily slip into the mindset of feeling you are going backwards in terms of the end result unless you remind yourself what phase your in and why you are doing it.
Now heart rate training with AF is also not an easy feat as at anytime the heart rate can just go scatty! Sometimes when I start the ride the HR rockets up to 220+ bpm and can take 20 mins to settle, if at all! I will go into this, and the frustrations that brings another time as thankfully this weekend it behaved itself!
On the positive side of things I am ‘back on it’ and looking forward to getting back into my training plan. Rest day on Monday and then on Tuesday I am have a swim early in the morning and a base run later in the day!
I’ll let you know how they go………….
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
The First of Many Knockbacks
In my lost blog you remember I finished by talking about things knocking me off course.
Well, guess what! Something just has - ’a winter cold’ and with it I now have a chest infection! It is my own stupid fault for trying to train when the cold hit me instead of resting! Why did I do that!?
After a period of rest (which I have just enjoyed from the end of last season) it is not uncommon to get a cold, or a virus when you start training, so this is not a massive surprise, but it is a frustration.
I had just enjoyed 4 weeks full and complete rest following my qualifying race in Wales in September. Chris (my coach) said to rest up and just do what I felt like I wanted to do. That means if you wanna run, you can run, but don’t wear a heart rate monitor, or worry about how fast you run. No targets, just relax and enjoy it (if that’s possible!). This is a period of rest and recovery between the end of last season and the start of the next seasons ATP (the Annual Training Plan) just in case you’d forgot J.
Anyway I decided to rest and do nothing as I was very tired from a long season and last year was my first full season in the sport. (Very wise - that took some discipline from me I can tell you! Although not getting up every morning at 5.30am was bliss!!!)
In this rest period Chris and I had already sat down and mapped out the ATP and you will remember from the race dates in my ‘road ahead’ blog that my first ‘A’ race will be the European Champs in April next year, so 24 weeks back from that is more or less now! Training needs to start!! Only 24 weeks to peak!
Getting back into the training routine was a shock to the system with a 5.30am alarm call! Chris had set out the first 6 weeks of the training plan. It’s base phase, (high volume, low intensity) so this involves lots of long slower runs, swims and low heart rate sessions on the bike (I’ll explain more at a later date about training with heart rate zones). The first week he has been nice and kind to me (well he calls it kind!) and I am scheduled to train for 10 ½ hours that week. “just easing you back in gently (he said!) hmmmmm
The first few days of training go pretty well given the break and then the ‘sniffles’ start! Now the best thing to do would be to just rest up and relax and let your body fight it properly yes? The problem with exercise is that whilst it does you good it also weakens the immune system. Now the immune system is under attack from the cold, so I decide the best thing to do would be to ‘hit it some more’ by training. I know the best thing to do is not to train and just rest, but I carry on! Why oh why!?
This is the hard part, giving in! You see in my sport I am accustomed to pushing myself to the limit, when I race and I get off the bike and onto that run, every part of my body hurts, every part of my mind tells me to stop, but I carry on. I have to block out the pain, I train myself to think beyond it. So, when a cold comes along, I treat it the same. I know I shouldn’t and if I was talking to another athlete, or my training partner I would say ‘hey, rest up your body needs it’! But the determination that I train myself to have that will not let anything stop me completing my target kicks in and all rationale thought goes out of the window!
I see every session as a challenge and I don’t like to miss sessions. I get stressed when I miss sessions and I worry about my fitness level dropping even though I know it won’t!! It’s not an easy thing to do to ‘self analyse’ and tell yourself ‘not to do this session today’. I get feelings of guilt and that just makes the problem worse.
This is where having a coach is great but it has to be a coach you have full trust in and I have a very good coach! Chris is excellent at balancing things out for me. Problem was I never told him until the cold was 4 days in and I had trained all 4 days. When I tell him he said ‘One of the downsides of starting back training, take the rest of the week off and make sure you have got rid of it properly’. That is exactly the kind of emotionally detached perspective I need. No way would I say that to myself! The problems was it was too late, I trained on it to the point I was so run down that the cold has now turned into a chest infection. After a visit to the docs I am now on anti-biotics and not able to train for a week!
The first ‘knock’ in the training calendar has arrived after only 1 week, but I am sure it will be the first of many!
Better is happens now instead of 2 weeks before the Euro Champs were Chris’s words! Rest up and let’s start back next week………
Friday, 28 October 2011
The Journey Ahead - The Start Line
Since taking up the Sport I’ve learnt over the last couple of years that a whole different language exists when talking about Triathlon. In future blogs, I’ll talk in these terms because that’s how I relate it to my training and progress but I should give you a little background information up front so you don’t think I’m talking in Swahili (or complete rubbish!)
How it works…
The Plan!
Each season runs from April > September but I plan my races in October of the previous year. There’s ‘A’ ‘B’ & ‘C’ races. A’s are the important ones – them that you want to do well in. B’s & C’s are the races that you’ll compete in but the results are not necessarily your personal bests, (or that important) these can also be called ‘Training races’
I decide what my targets are. I’ll preferably go in for 3 x A races (max) and then plot in additional B or C races around the A’s depending on when they fall into the calendar and how many I can fit in. Once the A’s are diarised me and my Coach Chris work backwards 24 weeks from the earliest A race. This is the time it should take to get from base (aerobic) fitness to peak fitness (ready to compete at best). Once that’s sorted we will work in the remaining races around the others. This is otherwise known as the ’Annual Training Plan ‘ATP’ from now on! Simple right?
ATP Calendar 2012
March 2012 - Training Race TBC (B Race)
April 2012 (20th) - Eilat , Israel – European Championships (A Race)
May 2012 - Training Race TBC (B Race)
June 2012 (24th) - Shropshire Triathlon (Worlds Champs Qualifier) (A Race)
July 2012 (1st) - Deva Triathlon (Worlds Champs Qualifier) (A Race)
August 2012 - Training Race TBC (C Race)
Sept 2012 - Training Race TBC (B Race)
October 2012 – World Champs New Zealand (A Race)
The Schedule!
Chris (he’s my coach remember http://www.yorktriathloncoaching.com/ http://corefitnesseducation.co.uk/team.php ) will put together a harsh/impossible (only kidding) periodised training plan (that means we work in phased blocks)
This plan is phased into Base, build and Peak periods and within each phase the intensity and focus increases. The base phase is to establish consistent fitness, stamina and build endurance. This would typically include high volume (long runs) low intensity (not too fast), but still carries targets to hit!
The Build phase introduces top end work (high intensity in small quantities)
The Peak Phase (my favourite) consists of short, sharp sessions. Top end work (as Chris calls it), low volume, High intensity
Still here?
Here’s a graph that hopefully illustrates what I mean!
The Action!
Each phase will consist of approx 3 x training sessions per week of each discipline (swim, bike, run) which Chris will plan in advance in great detail (torture). The base sessions will also include technique work such as swim stroke, single leg drills on the bike (pushing the pedal with one leg) and also foot speed drills on the running, which are designed to iron out weak spots. There is usually 1 x long bike ride per week (3 hours) over and above the rest.
As an aside….Lets not forget just how much kit is required to do all this- spare a thought for the washer! My wife now wants us to have separate basket for the ‘exercise kit’ as she calls it.
In the base phase (currently in this one!) I’ll train for between 10-13 hours p/week. This is where it gets tricky if things knock me off course…..& they always do!
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
Seeking an Understanding - My Story of Living with Atrial Fibrillation
Seeking an Understanding
By Martin Harman
I have suffered with AF (Atrial Fibrillation) for 5 years. I was first diagnosed back in October 2006 at the age of 33. I want to talk about how it has affected my life and the impact that’s had on me. AF affects 1.2 million people in the UK and 1 in 4 people over 40 years old have AF and it is a major cause of stroke, so maybe you already know someone that is affected?
The symptoms of AF and what to expect are well known to sufferers, albeit they are unique to each and every individual. What is not often talked about is the mental and emotional impact AF can have on your life.
My journey started whilst playing football. I have always been a very keen sportsman and it has always played a major part of my life. One afternoon whilst playing football 5 years ago I sustained a bad knee injury that required surgery. I had the operation and the day after I was recovering at home when I began suffering from palpitations, excessive sweating, and dizzy spells. It felt like someone was tightening a strap around my chest and I was really short of breath. I thought nothing of it at the time and just assumed it was a side effect of the General Anaesthetic.
Two days later I was still having the symptoms and I got up to make a cup of tea when it hit me. The palpitations, the sweating, the dizziness, the room started to spin and I felt as if I was falling over. I could feel my heart thumping against my chest and I was very short of breath. That day I visited my local GP, I explained my symptoms to him and the first thing he did was check my pulse. I could see in his face that something was not right.
I had an ECG that confirmed I was in AF. I was admitted to hospital that evening for 4 days whilst I underwent various tests to try and indentify if any underlying cause was triggering the condition. Ultimately they found nothing. The cardiologist I saw believes the episode was possibly triggered by the general anaesthetic. I am still sceptical about this as I have had 3 general anaesthetics previously without a problem and nobody can explain why.
I was eventually discharged and sent home (still in AF) and told, “See you in 3 months at the out patient clinic!” That was it, no information, no guidance, just an appointment for the anti-coagulation clinic. Thankfully, a staff nurse on the ward, simply out of her own kindness, found a BHF AF leaflet, but that was the only information I was given.
So the next 3 months I spent educating myself about AF, websites, chat groups and speaking to other sufferers.
The most difficult thing for me was coming to terms with what I had, the impact it was having on me and how it was affecting my life. It felt like my life had been taken away from me. I know that sounds dramatic, but at the time that’s how I felt.
I was physically prevented from doing what I wanted to do, the things I took for granted, and then suddenly not being able to do anything that was tough to come to terms with. For 3 months my life consisted of my house, with the occasional 10 minute walk around the village! I went through so many emotions, anger and frustration, looking for someone to blame, wondering why this had happened to me! Did something go wrong? Was too much anaesthetic administered? Questions, Questions, Questions rolled over my mind, but without any answers.
I tried all different medications, different strengths, different combinations, but nothing worked. I remained in AF permanently for 3 months and could not even walk up the stairs without my heart rate racing above 200 beats per minute! I was unable to work and I couldn’t even walk for longer than 10 minutes.
My wife, family and work colleagues were very supportive of me at this time and I do think that was essential to aiding my recovery. You often forget about the people who have to sit and watch what is happening to you and they can’t do anything to help, other than just be there for you, but that was enough.
My GP was fantastic, extremely understanding and was always supportive when I went to see him. We worked together with different medications in order to find one that would ultimately work and finally we did.
Amiodarone eventually got my heart under control and finally after 3 months reverted me back to Normal Sinus Rhythm! The side effects were a long term concern, so I came off Amiodarone and began to use Flecainide alongside a beta-blocker. I had intermittent AF episodes along with prolonged attacks of ectopic beats. I was a regular visitor to my A&E department at the local hospital. Typically though, by the time I got to hospital the episode had passed!
Gradually I become stronger, eventually returning to work full time and I slowly started to exercise again. By early 2008 I had managed to put on the weight I had lost, was exercising daily and felt like my old self again. I still had episodes, but only occasionally. So, in discussions with my GP, I decided that I would stop taking my medication. I was offered ablation (this involves a catheter being inserted in your groin and up into the inside of the heart to burn the damaged tissue) as a treatment, but I decided I wanted to try life without drugs first. I wanted to know if my body needed the drugs to control the occasional attacks. How would I know unless I stopped taking them? As I am relatively low risk because of my age and overall health other than the AF, he agreed and helped me. Warfarin was first, and then gradually over the next 3 months I came off all my medication. My symptoms are no worse, I still have the odd episode, but mine tend to be short, about 1 – 4 hours maximum and I get prolonged ectopic beats occasionally.
I have learned to understand the signs. I know what triggers my AF –it’s the usual list you hear time after time, alcohol, caffeine, ya know all the stuff you like! - But I also suffer if I get overtired, or stressed. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the occasional alcoholic drink or a few cups of coffee, but I have to be careful and it’s about moderation and what works for me. I also make sure I am well hydrated drinking 2-3 litres of water a day. I found keeping a record of what I ate, drank and how I was feeling helped me notice the pattern and ultimately helped me to live a near normal life!
I am back to my normal self, no longer on medication, managing my condition and living a fairly normal life, with just the occasional setback on certain days. I am exercising daily and in 2009 completed my first Triathlon, which I raised over £1000 for the AFA charity! Unfortunately in June 2009 1 week before my planned 2nd Triathlon I snapped my Cruciate Knee Ligament that meant I had to have further surgery to my injured knee that started this whole journey off in the first place, but thankfully this time with no complications like the last! Another 6 months followed of recovery and rehabilitation, but eventually I got there.
I am conscious that you may be reading this and thinking “right, ok, lucky you”, but that is one of the reasons I wanted to share my story. I appreciate that I am one of the more lucky ones, perhaps not as symptomatic as some AF sufferers. Maybe because I am relatively young it is not so frequent and this may change as I get older, but for now, I intend to enjoy my life! I want to share my experiences with people, particularly younger people, in order to try to help anybody out there who is going through what I went through, as I understand how difficult it is to live with and accept AF.
I have reflected a lot about the last 5 years and my battle coming to terms with AF. I believe that how I felt immediately after I was diagnosed did impair and hinder my recovery. The emotional impact it had on me brought out elements of my character that do not normally exist. They are not traits that I posses on a regular day to day basis. I became negative, pessimistic, defeated, not up to the challenge and that’s not me. Normally my character lends itself to being positive, outgoing, a fighter, always motivated for a challenge. I did not know how to cope with these feelings, I felt like I was out of control.
My Inability to do anything meant I accepted what I had and effectively gave up the fight. I had mentally decided I would have to live with things as they were and just adapted to how life “was going to be”. I worried that something might have been missed in the diagnosis, what if something underlying does exist? This is my heart after all, I might die!
I also became obsessed with my condition. I bought pulse meters, checked my pulse and blood pressure every hour, I even recorded it on a spreadsheet! I began checking my pulse every few minutes, sitting and focusing on my heart beat, ‘is it out of rhythm, is it beating fast. I spent my days surfing the internet trawling every possible website available to fill my head with knowledge about AF!
This was all because the lack of information and support meant I had to fact-find myself and by trawling through the details I found, this became overwhelming and almost made me admit defeat. I focussed too heavily on the negative aspects and was unable to identify the positives. I had nobody to help balance that information and give me a perspective and even if they did, I am not sure I would have listened.
I shut myself away from normal every day life because I couldn’t achieve the standard of living that I was used to and wanted to have. My life was AF and I was trapped inside an AF cocoon because that was all I had now and all I could live with.
So what changed? My attitude changed it wasn’t a momentous event it was a series of little things that changed my attitude to how life could be moving forward. I realised that nobody else could make that change for me and it had to come from within me. Once I gained more perspective I began to feel better. Whether that was PMA or coincidence, I don’t really care it worked for me. Then I had a good day, I got up and I felt normal, I had finally reverted to a normal sinus rhythm.
It was a major highlight, almost like the first major positive point and made me realise that there was hope. That feeling of waking up and actually feeling normal for the first time in 3 months I could not put into words. This boosted my mood and gave me the inner strength to fight the condition and rebuild some kind of normality into my life. From that point I never looked back and continued to focus on what I could achieve despite having AF. I finally accepted the condition, but would not let it rule my life. I realised that what I needed to do was to modify the things I did, not cut them out altogether. My pace of life might not be what it was before, but the more I fought and accepted the condition, the more strength it gave me to achieve as much as I could.
I truly believe that with more information and support at the time of diagnosis, I would have recovered quicker and dealt with my condition a lot better. That is one of the reasons for me being involved with the AFA (Atrial Fibrillation Association).
I now want to give something back, help other sufferers who might be struggling to come to terms with what they have. I know lots of people with AF who have suffered and are far more symptomatic than me. I also know from all the people I talk to and read about that they sometimes find it difficult to express how they really felt. I don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed of my feelings and what I went through, nor should anybody feel that way. I feel a little disappointed in myself, I feel I could have handled it better, but maybe it was something I had to go through in order to find the understanding and perspective to make me fight on and rebuild my life
Having rebuilt my life I have found a sport I thoroughly enjoy the challenge of and it is also my way of proving to myself that AF may well live with me, but it will not live ‘for me’ and is a way of sticking 2 fingers up at it!!! Over the last 12 months I have made great strides thanks to the work with my coach and very good friend Chris Statham of York Triathlon coaching (www.yorktriathloncoaching.com) and with his help, expertise and training plans I have become a much better athlete and gained qualification to the European Championships and intend to also qualify for the World Championships in 2012.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have AF! I have good days and bad days and at times it does interrupt my training, but not too drastically. I did have my first setback in a race earlier this year when I collapsed on the run leg of an event at a race in Ripon! When I came round with paramedics standing over me it was confirmed I was in AF!! The worst thing was I was doing really well and was on for a top 20 finish!!!!!! I was put into the ambulance and an ECG was done and 15 mins later I was back in Sinus rhythm and felt fine. I said to them ‘take these sticky pads of me and I will finish the race’ but alas they declined!!!!
Of course everyone wants to wrap you up in cotton wool and thinks I am ‘crazy’ for carrying on, but 2 weeks later I came back out and competed in the Castle Howard Triathlon in North Yorkshire and came 14th out of a field of 250. I am determined my condition will not stop me achieving my ambition of representing my country at the European & World Championships next year. The Europeans are in the bag and the hard work starts now to ensure the World Championships are also secured and I would be very grateful for your support and so would my charity!!
Thanks for reading.
You use the link https://www.justgiving.com/mharman to make a donation no matter how small I would be very very grateful
Martin
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